Emotional Dependence

Our desire for emotional and physical fulfillment is at the root of our emotional dependence. We want what is safe, beneficial, and pleasing. This is a gift of our creation that we might have the capacity to not only love and enjoy our lives, but, more importantly, to love and enjoy the Lord. It is not wrong or evil to be motivated by pleasure as long as the pleasures we desire are Godly pleasures. Herein lays the problem. We, by nature, are not motivated by the ways or purposes of the Lord. By nature we are self-seeking, rather than God seeking, and become emotionally dependent on our own fulfillment. We get caught in a circle, a circle of fleshly thinking, fleshly striving, and fleshly wanting, hoping to find fulfillment in the circumstances and people of our life. Reality is, they are inherently unable to give lasting satisfaction or fulfillment to our lives. Our image, our perceptions, our accomplishments, or lack of accomplishments, etc., become the emotional rulers of our life. If we are not emotionally dependent on the Gospel, then by default, we become dependent on the promised fulfillments of this world. We become materialistic and emotionally fragile, fragile because our fulfillment is dependent on people and how they treat us; people and circumstances, rather than God, become the Masters of our emotional health.

If our emotional health is not rooted in the Gospel then we will never be able to live in emotional or spiritual health; our chronic un-fulfillment, rather than the Word of God, will rule our thinking and our behavior.

People choose where they find fulfillment, and therefore, choose what or who they will be dependent upon. To be healthy, we are to choose Christ and the accomplishments of the Cross as the foundation of our emotional and spiritual health.

Christians are to find their pleasure and fulfillment in the work and person of Christ. This is the meaning of the scriptural admonition to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength.

Emotional Wholeness

The Scriptures tell us we have an enemy that attempts to confuse our values and choices and that he communicates with us through "fleshly lusts" which are nothing more than what we desire naturally as human beings. Emotional/spiritual dysfunction results from fleshly thinking, from our fleshly nature driving our thoughts and our desires. Emotional wholeness is the result of our new nature directing our thinking with an emotional dependence on Christ and what He says. When our new nature is in control then we are emotionally dependent on Jesus and what He says, and our greatest pleasure is found in our relationship with Him. To love Him with all our heart means the pleasure found in loving Him is the supreme pleasure of our life.

Emotional Dysfunction

Every person is emotionally dependent on something or someone and that dependence either supports or opposes their walk with Christ. We all have witnessed people whose lives have fallen apart after a failure, a reversal, a rejection, or a betrayal. For sure, these cause enormous emotional pain, but as Christians, our lives ultimately belong to Christ and it is wrong to allow ourselves to be destroyed by the actions of another. A fleshly person, by definition, is emotionally dependent on their own self-fulfillment; for them, self-fulfillment is the highest good and is the priority of their life. A spiritual person, by definition, is emotionally dependent on Christ and His promises and their highest good is to love Christ and enjoy Him.

The problem with fleshly thinking is that we are dependent upon our own fulfillment and consequently something or someone must fulfill us, and we have no choice but to depend on others or on favorable circumstances for our emotional and spiritual health.

If we do not find satisfaction from the blessings of redemption, then by default, we are dependent on people or things for fulfillment. A dependence on self-fulfillment from people or things leads us away from emotional dependence on Jesus and His promises. If we are emotionally dependent upon our own fulfillment, then it is impossible to ever really be satisfied, for the Scriptures tell us that a fleshly heart can never be satisfied. Read Ecclesiastes. Self-fulfillment apart from Christ is a chasing of the wind.

We can attempt to fill our lives with accomplishments, with people and with things. But with familiarity, once again, we find ourselves empty. As Christians, we are to fill our lives with what God has accomplished for us through Jesus Christ. In Him is our New Identity and the grand purpose for our lives. He is the only One that has provided a sure foundation for our lives; salvation through the work and Person of Christ is the only sure foundation of mental/emotional/spiritual health. We serve God by finding fulfillment in Him, rather than ourselves, and desiring His ways above our ways.  God Himself has brought fulfillment to our lives through the new birth and the gift of salvation. The question becomes, are the blessings of God enough for our emotional and spiritual health? What is it we really want?

Our challenge is to love Him and emotionally relate to what He has done for us! He validates us personally through creation, and then saves us through the work of the Gospel.

It is through His Word and His Spirit working within us that we are enabled to break the chains of a fleshly dependence on self-fulfillment, and come to real emotional health through emotional dependence on Christ. As we previously said, it is a lie that we can find lasting fulfillment apart from Christ and His Word. If we build our lives on a lie, then the result will be emptiness with emotional or spiritual instability. Emotional instability drives poor thinking and poor thinking results in poor behavior. Good thinking and good behavior are the fruits of emotional dependence on Christ and what He says.

Jesus, and what He says, must be our highest pleasure and the reason for our happiness.

If we are not emotionally dependent on Jesus Christ, then darkness has access to our thoughts and feelings, and will produce in us depression, defensiveness, anxiety, fear, frustration, apathy, insecurities, habits, etc..

We Set Boundaries

Our emotional dependence on people must have limits; there is a point we cannot go beyond.  Even with family members, we cannot allows ourselves to become more dependent upon them than Christ. Though we love them, we cannot position them above Christ.

If we find ourselves having chronic emotional problems because of a family member, then we have become imbalanced through our dependence on them. There must be emotional boundaries to our love,i.e. we cannot love others above Christ or His Word.

But if we love Christ first, then we can withstand the failures and rejections of people we love. The bottom line of our emotional life must be dependence on Jesus Christ and what He says. He is our source of strength and the source of our highest pleasure. When we are dependent upon Christ, then emotional stability results and that stability enables us to relate to others in a wholesome and balanced manner. We can love others in a way that does not destroy us. He is God and it is right to love Him above all others, including family. There are many practical reasons to love God above all others, and it is sin to love others above Him. 

We Choose To Love Christ First

This world, people, and things demand our love and our dependence. Christians have to choose emotional dependence on Christ. We make it a priority. The Christian can never love anything or anyone above Christ. We choose to be emotionally dependent on Christ and His redemptive work. He then becomes the source of our joy, stability, and peace.

Thank you Lord Jesus.